Things happened so fast the last few days that I hardly had time to think. Mum was admitted into the hospital again two days ago after suffering from hypothermia. Her lips, fingers and toes turned bluish and she was shivering uncontrollably.

I have not seen Mum in such agony before. She was crying. I panicked and just broke down. I very much wanted to do something to alleviate her suffering but there was nothing I could do. I have never felt so helpless before, not even after I was paralysed. That was because Mum was always there to assure me that everything possible was done to help me recover.

I do not know how I could have coped if Wuan was not here. She kept her cool consoling Mum while keeping her warm. I had to call Mr. Tan back from work to accompany Mum in the ambulance and manage her admission at the hospital.

Mum is much better now after being given two units of blood. While she is at the hospital, Wuan is cleaning up the apartment to make it airier and make sleeping space for the maid that we engaged to look after Mum temporarily. It is a relief to see Mum�s condition improving.

Mum developed tremors in both her arms and legs just recently. What began as slight twitchings grew into spasms so strong that she could hardly stand, let alone walk. She lies down on the bed most of the time now. There is this sudden realisation that Mum is sicklier than I had led myself to believe. Perhaps, I had been in denial regarding her condition. It is hard to believe that the woman who has taken care of me almost all of my life needs to be taken care of now. In my mind, she had always been invincible. If there is any person who epitomises the phrase �Never say die� it must be Mum. She is one who perseveres on a task, however daunting, to completion.

It greatly pains me to see her in this condition. There is this sense of utter helplessness � wishing that I could help relieve her sufferings but not knowing what to do. There were times when I was on the verge of breaking down because there were so many things that I could do to make her more comfortable but unable to because of my disabilities. She had devoted almost four decades of her life looking after me, two decades of it making sure I was comfortable despite my disabilities and there is not much I can do for her in her time of need.

They say that you will never know the sacrifices that your parents made for you until you have your own children. I do not have children of my own but I think I know the little things that my mother had given up because of me. She had tended to my every need from the first day I broke my neck nineteen years ago. She stayed with me throughout the three months that I was hospitalised at the Kuala Lumpur Hospital, which is 400km away from home. She had to endure the abuses of rude nurses. There were good nurses, too, which made the three months more bearable.

Back home, she would dress my pressure sore three times a day without fail until it healed, cleaned me up after I empty my bowels, bathe me and spoon-fed me initially when I could not hold a spoon. She cooked my favourite dishes all the time and made herbal soups for me several times a week. Anybody who has prepared Chinese herbal soups will know how much time and effort is spent, as the charcoal fire has to be constantly fed and at the same time ensuring that there is sufficient water in the pot.

She had never given up on me even though I had given up on myself many times. She was always there for me, no matter the time of day. She is a symbol of perseverance. As soon as she recovered from her back surgery, she was back tending to my needs although she was walking with a limp. Even when she was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia, she did not give up. She went about her daily chores like she used to.

I seldom hear Mum gripe about anything. She takes all the good and the bad in her stride. Distressing times do not put her down. She does not gloat over the good. She is humble and ready to lend a hand. Ask any of her friends if she has ever turned them down when they went to her for help.

And then there are those intrinsic things only a mother would do for her child. She thought of all the possibilities. She kept stock of my supplies of suppositories, lubricants and catheter so that I do not run out of them. She had a hoard of herbs that she specially used to make soups for me. She made sure that all my needs are taken care of and she had never once complained about it. Nineteen years is a long time to be doing that day in and day out. Nineteen years is a long time to be nursing an adult child.

Mum was an avid gardener, a trait she inherited from her father. I guess she found solace in her plants. I guess the garden is where she let all her sorrows and unhappiness wash away. Mum was a good gardener; I think she still is. All the plants that she grew flourished and flowered. Mum was adept at cultivating Adenium (Desert Rose) which is a very popular plant among the Chinese who relish in the significance and auspiciousness of its name � Fu Gui Hua, literally translated meaning Flower of Prosperity. We have moved to an apartment since and there is nary a place for Mum to continue with her hobby. She still keep a few potted plants in the apartment though.

I never knew how much Mum have been doing for me until now. The three weeks since her discharge from hospital, I have been playing nurse to her. I wake up in the wee hours of the morning to prepare light meals for her so that she does not go hungry. She does not eat much during meals because of nausea. Her appetite is poor due partly to her medication and constant back pain. Therefore, she is taking frequent but small meals. She has a pressure sore which needs to have Povidone applied to three times a day. I make sure she takes her medicine accordingly. There are soups to be cooked and dishes to be washed. The daily chores occupy most of my time now.

Three weeks into it and I am beginning to unravel. I suffered a migraine two days ago due to lack of sleep. I have been sleeping less than six hours everyday. There is a pressure sore on my buttocks from the long hours sitting. It is a wonder how Mum kept that up for nineteen years. It is time for me to take charge of my own life and lessen my dependence on her. This has made me appreciate Mum even more, knowing what she had to go through each and every day that she had to look after me. I know I will never be able to fully comprehend the sacrifices that she had made those years that she took care of me but I know that she would go out on a limb for me if ever that is needed, even now. Mum�s love for me knows no bounds. That is my Mum! Thank you for everything. Here is wishing you a speedy recovery.

This is the season Wuan and I go into a feeding frenzy. Our predatory instincts are awakened; our sense of sight, smell and taste are heightened. We do not grow fangs, facial hair and howl lustily on a full moon night. Neither does the sight of a throbbing jugular entice us.

We are both mundane human beings leading humdrum lives until we catch sight of this ball of thorns called durian. The mere whiff of its offensive odour is enough to cause us lose all sanity and clamber for its flesh. Yes! Durian season is here!

Our passion for durians is only second to our passion for each other. This is the time of year we throw caution to the wind and indulge to our hearts� content. I am waiting for Wuan to come. That is when the feasting begins. The countdown has started.

There are those who help and there are those who yelp. There are those who are sincere and there are those who act sincere. In times of crises, we see who is genuine and who is false. Blood relations do not figure in this equation. Brothers and sisters could just stand aside and watch indifferently while friends and neighbours provide helping hands that aid unconditionally. It is in times like these, true friends shine brightly, and false friends, like a sore thumb, are revealed prominently.