Shiau Lee is a first-year physiotherapy student. She was doing research for her spinal cord injury project and got in touch with me through ICQ.

�Can I write a story about you in my project?� she asked.

Of course she could. I was more than happy to oblige. She sent me the questions and I sent back the answers.

One day while we were chatting, she asked me, �After so many years, do you ever regret that dive?�

She is the first person to ask me that in the nineteen years since I became paralysed. That is one question I have seldom pondered over. I rarely gave it much thought. It is something that I cannot undo. Why think about it? I had expected a harsh reprimand from my parents when I was admitted to the hospital after the mishap. Perhaps they realised more than me the severity of the injury that they did not want to exacerbate the situation by scolding me. They had never asked me why or how I could do such a stupid thing. Never ever.

Now as I think back, I wished they had asked me. I would have felt better instead of keeping this cooped up inside me until now. I would have told them I was really sorry for putting them through such a great emotional shock. I was sorry that I could not realise their dreams for me. I was sorry that they had to look after me in their advanced years instead. I was sorry for all the tears they shed for me seeing me in the state I was in. I was sorry. I am sorry. Dad, Mum, I am truly sorry.

When Shiau Lee put that question to me, images of that day came flooding back. The sun was shinning against my face. The breeze blowing from the sea made my wet body shiver a little. From the 5 feet section of the pool, I dived in, all 5 feet 10 inches of me. When I thought my body was going to slam into the surface because of my shallow angle of entry, I adjusted my posture. I must have over compensated. The next thing I knew, my head had hit something unyielding, my body flipped over and I was floating face down in the water.

All was calm for a moment. I could hear the gurgling sounds of water. It was crystal clear and the white tiles at the bottom of the pool looked exceptionally clean. Nothing moved. Nothing! I bobbed in the water wondering what had happened. My legs were there but they did not feel like they were a part of me anymore. I tried to stand but they just laid there motionless, unusually contorted. I attempted to swim to the side of the pool but all I could do was flail my arms feebly. My chest felt tight. I was running out of breath. I tried lifting my head but could only get my eyes above the surface. Not good enough. I tried lifting my head a little higher. It was futile. I was getting desperate.

Then I remembered the chicken that I had tried to slaughter during a Scouts� backwoods competition. I had seen Mum slaughtering chickens many times. I thought it was going to be easy. After plucking the feathers from its neck, I tried to slit its throat. Alas, the knife was as blunt as a wooden spatula. The chicken flapped it wings wildly as I tried again and again. It had to be slaughtered anyhow. If not we would be without a main dish to present for the cookout. As a last resort, I held it down in the river and drowned it. It flapped its wings even wilder. After a long while, it became lifeless. I looked down at the motionless carcass. That was the first time I had killed anything. I felt wicked. My heart ached for a long time after that. And I was going to die like the chicken that I had drowned!

My lungs felt like bursting. I flapped my arms helplessly. I was really going to die. Sad faces of my parents flashed before my eyes. Everything was in shades of sepia. I saw them weeping by my casket. I have so much more that I wanted to tell them. Do not cry, Dad, Mum. I am sorry. Please do not cry for me. A thousand images raced through my mind�s eye - things that I have done, things that I have yet to do, images of loved ones, friends, everything. On reflex, I swung my head from side to side, trying hard to hold my breath in, keep my mouth closed and prevent the water from entering my nostrils. Just when I thought I could hold no more, Ronnie pulled my head up. I pulled in a deep breath but before I could fill my lungs, he dropped my head back into the water. Sensing that something was amiss, he called out to my other classmates and they pulled me out of the water.

That one second when my head hit the bottom of the pool and fractured my spine, those sixty seconds struggling for air in the water and then being rescued from a certain drowning by my classmates marked the beginning of a life fraught with uncertainties, frustrations and shattered expectations. Spinal cord injury completely changes the way the body functions. I had to learn to accept the severe limitations that were to encumber me for the rest of my life. Nothing was the same anymore. Nothing.

Have I ever regretted diving into the pool that day? The few times that I had brooded over it, I felt no remorse. It is something that I cannot undo. I have to leave that behind and move forward. I am making the best use of what I have left and leaving the rest up to God. Will I dive into the pool again if I have the opportunity? I certainly will but much the wiser now, I will make sure that the depth is way way deeper than my height. Yes, I will do it again if ever the opportunity arises. No regrets! Now, where did I keep my Speedo?

Earlier in the day, while I was chatting with Wuan on the phone, an awful smell wafted in through the window. Initially, I thought someone was using an overly strong floor cleaner but when I saw black smoke drifting past, I immediately looked out the window. Black smelly smoke was belching out from one of the windows from an apartment just below mine.

It was Peter�s neighbour. So I called him but he was already busy with the fire fighting effort. I did not know the extent of the fire and thought it would be best to go down to ground level and be away from the fire. I wondered if I should put on a diaper, just in case, but decided against it. It would take too long.

Fortunately, it was just a small fire. A table fan somehow caught fire but was discovered early. There was some damage to the furnishings but nothing major. Accidents like these do happen, due to carelessness or electrical faults. However, I am extremely dissatisfied with the response of the security guards in managing this incident. Below is the letter that I am sending to the Manager of the apartments where I am staying regarding this matter.

If you do not already know, a fire broke out at 31B-19-4 today at approximately 2:25pm. The guardhouse was promptly notified. I am extremely disappointed that the guards arrived at the scene of the incident only after the fire was extinguished. At the first instance when a fire is reported, the security guard posted at the respective Blocks should take control of the situation. If your security guards were not trained in fire fighting, then they should have been instructed to notify residents staying in the immediate vicinity and if the situation warrants, evacuate them in an orderly manner. None of these were done. Lives were at stake and your security guards were acting in a lackadaisical attitude which is truly appalling. As the Manager of the four blocks of apartment here, it is your responsibility to ensure the security and safety of all residents at all times. I would like to know what contingency plans you have in the event of a major fire or emergencies. Surely, for the amount of management fees and security guard fees that are being charged to the management fund every month, you must have already drawn up a strategy to ensure the safety of residents here. In addition, despite protests from parcel owners, you have been grossly irresponsible in continuing to allow cars to be parked at the driveway in such a manner that they will obstruct the movement of fire engines and ambulances. This will seriously impede rescue and fire fighting attempts. Are you going to wait until lives are lost because of these obstructions before you are ready to consider the safety of residents? I trust you will furnish all parcel owners and residents here with a copy of the Contingency Plan for Fire and Emergencies within fourteen days to see if any amendment is needed. This will allow us to reside here with a peace of mind knowing that our safety and security is being looked after. However, if there is no such plan, I urge you to immediately initiate a dialogue with parcel owners and put together one for the safety of all residents here.

I hope something positive will come out of this. I believe all high-rise dwellings should have a plan of action for emergencies like fires. The exits are few and the high-density of people living in such a confined space makes it imperative that a systematic evacuation strategy is in place so that no lives are needlessly risked. The emergency services� vehicles should have easy access to the premises to avoid any delay in the rescue and fire fighting. If only lives are put before profit and arrogance, we will surely have a safer environment to live in.

Some of my best friends are those that I had met online. Over the years, we drifted apart and then got in touch again and then drifted apart. Nevertheless we value the friendship that we had forged over many sleepless nights sharing our lives and opening our doors of friendship even wider to each other. We grew to trust just those few alphabets on the screen that made up our nicknames and which held our entire personalities. We were faceless individuals, worlds apart, trying to find commonality in each other. Commonality we did find, and even more. We found a camaraderie that will last a long long time.

These �His & Hers� wristwatches were gifts from William. We were cyber-friends turned friends in real life. This is one of those few gifts that Wuan and I truly appreciate. We have constantly worn them over the years. They remind us of a friendship that bloomed at the same time our relationship was also flourishing. They remind us of the hospitality that was accorded to us when I was in Kuala Lumpur. They remind us of beautiful times and of times that we wished would last forever. Thank you, William, for some pretty unforgettable moments but most of all thank you for these wonderful keepsakes.

* Images of Gurney Drive Escapade have been added to the Gallery.

Thanks to Adel, Lillian, Michelle and Theresa for a very beautiful morning. They came and shared a nice and simple meal with me. Adel had been with me throughout my catechism but I have only met Lillian, Michelle and Theresa a couple of times. Yet they made me feel like family � a family in Christ. I am truly touched by their generosity and warmth and sharing part of their morning here. Thank you for remembering today. I appreciate that from the bottom of my heart.

Trepidation always precedes my scheduled appointment with the urologist. Will the health of my kidneys get better or deteriorate? Wuan accompanied me to see Mr. Liong at the Lam Wah Ee Hospital for my six-monthly check-up last Thursday. I was to get my blood tested before seeing him. When I saw the hesitation of the lab technician while inserting the needle into my vein, I knew it was going to be painful. After a few failed attempts to draw blood, she gave up and retracted the syringe without first releasing the tourniquet. Naturally, blood spurted out the moment the needle was pulled out. The other lab technician had no problem drawing blood from my other arm and it was all over in a jiffy. The test would take approximately one hour to complete. In the meantime, my blood pressure was tested. At 120/80, it was considered normal.

When it was finally my turn to see the doctor, Wuan went in with me. The creatinine and uric acid levels have gone down. The creatinine has gone down to 181 umol/l from 188 umol/l. That is not a lot of change but still an improvement. The ultrasound of my left kidney showed that it is shrunken, which is consistent with previous ultrasounds. Even then, Mr. Liong assured me that it is still functional. The left kidney showed no signs of swelling which is a good sign. Even the bladder looked better. I was advised to continue with my four-hourly intermittent catheterisation, drink 300ml of water every hour and take 1mg Detrusitol twice daily. Detrusitol relaxes the bladder and must be taken with an empty stomach to optimise its absorption. The result of this check-up is like a silver lining behind the dark clouds of my extended illness that had afflicted me for the past month. I am happy that my prayers had been answered and my diet is working. Hopefully, the next check-up will show even more improvement. I am keeping my fingers crossed.