Sheila and LS

Peter is not working today. I got him to fetch me to town to get some things done right after an early lunch. It looked like it was going to rain but when we reached Little India, the sun was shinning brightly. After settling my affairs there, we went to meet LS at the City Bayview Hotel. LS, a Malaysian currently residing in England, is back here for a holiday. He has been a quadriplegic for twenty two years. Sheila, his caregiver for seventeen years now, accompanied him on his trip here.

We shared about our lives and our disabilities. LS was very vocal about the lack of basic facilities catering to the needs of the disabled community here. Transport, access and public awareness are foremost in his mind. It was an eye opener talking to him and Sheila especially when they talked about the rights accorded to the disabled in the United Kingdom be it from the government or the NGOs.

Forward - Published by the Spinal Injuries Association

LS had problems moving around here as there is no specially adapted van with lifts that can accommodate him in his wheelchair. Pavements were without ramps and were not built to give access to wheelchairs. Those that had oftentimes were obstructed by haphazardly parked motorcycles, carts, lampposts and fire hydrants. Sheila had to push him on the road most of the times. Wuan and I have experienced that when we went exploring the Inner City a few months back. It was a harrowing experience with traffic speeding by just a couple of inches from us.

We agreed that a lot can be done to improve the plight of the disabled here. I have seen the gradual improvement in the basic amenities for the disabled in public areas and buildings. However, the provision of such facilities is not at par with the speed of our nation’s progress. No wonder most of the disabled are left behind in our race to be a first world country by the year 2020. Apart from having limited job opportunities, we have problems with infrastructures that were built without giving much consideration to the needs of the disabled.

Before parting, LS presented me with the June edition of a magazine called Forward and a CDROM titled Moving Forward 3: A Guide to Living with Spinal Cord Injury that were both published by the Spinal Injuries Association. I left the meeting inspired by his doggedness in promoting the rights of the disabled in the United Kingdom and his determination in providing the impetus for the disabled community here to recognise our rights and to press the case with the powers that be. He may be less physically-able than me but he certainly made that up with his tenacity and fortitude in advocating for the rights of his peers which in all honesty put me to shame.

Sinfully yours - Chee Cheong Fun

On our way back, hunger pangs struck since I had an early lunch. Peter and I stopped at Genting Coffee Shop in Island Glades to get something to eat. We both had wanton noodles which was unexceptional. He then ordered popiah which was even more insipid. In a moment of rashness, I ordered a plate of chee cheong fun. This is one dish I had tried to avoid because of the copious amount of shrimp paste and fried chilly paste. The stream of people ordering it was enough to make me throw caution to the wind. This is one of the better tasting chee cheong fun although I have eaten much better ones. Wuan is going to nag me for this. I am sure of it. Ah well, the price to pay for my indulgence.

Tau Eu Bak - Braised Pork with Hardboiled Eggs

A healthy appetite is a good thing for me. What is not good is that the healthy appetite is being fuelled by an unhealthy diet. Meat, namely pork, has been the main feature in my meals lately. I do not usually fancy pork. This sudden craving for meat is surprising. Yesterday was wantan with choy sum soup. The wantans tasted better than they looked. I am not resisting it much because this is no doubt a change from the usual bland tasting meals I have been eating.

Huangshan Mao Feng Green Tea

Today�s lunch was braised pork with hardboiled egg (tau eu bak) and stir-fried kangkung. There are several versions of the tau eu bak. I settled on this recipe by Amy Beh archived at The Star Online � Kuali. It was tasty and one of the better tasting tau eu baks I have eaten in a long time. The belly pork was rather fat and made the gravy greasy. I drank some green tea afterwards with the hope of washing away some of those artery-clogging lard. Whether that works or not, my next blood test will tell. I really must cut down on red meat.

Dad is gone. Mum is gone. I sit here realising that I am the only one left. This is one day I had never envisioned. I had always thought that my parents would live forever. I had expected them to be there when I get married, when I have children and when my children have children. I had expected to grow old with them. I was young then. I had dreams. I had fears too. Living without one or both parents was out of the question. Who would I turn to should I encounter problems? Parents are supposed to do all those and more.

When I broke my neck, my parents made the all decisions on my behalf. I was in no position then to select the options for my treatment. They also took care of all the nitty-gritty pertinent to my recovery and thereafter. All I needed to do was to concentrate on my rehabilitation. Life was nearly carefree. It was reassuring to know that there would always be someone there to pull me through rough patches. They had hauled me up me from many dark episodes at great expense to their own emotional well-being.

Now I am the only one left. Dad and Mum are no longer here. I am no longer young anymore. I have learnt to solve my own problems. Well, almost all of them. I wonder what will happen should I lose the faculty to make competent decisions for myself. I am getting on with age. I am not in the pink of health. Anything can befall on me. Neurological disorders and accidents, while not eagerly anticipated, can come stealthily and rob the mind of its senses when we least expect it. The possibilities are endless. Should that day come, I wish to have someone who knows what I want to administer to my affairs and make decisions for me as I would if I were lucid.

I know this is a heavy burden to place on someone’s shoulder. Life and death situations are never easy to deal with, especially when it involves either someone we love or someone we are very close to. I have been there for Mum. I know how it is like. There is only one other person that I trust my life with now. Wuan will have to shoulder that responsibility for me. I know she is a reluctant participant in this not because she is unwilling. She is an optimist by nature. Asking her to frame her mind for the prospect of deciding on such depressing matters can be too much an obligation to ask of her. But she is all I have now and she knows my wishes exactly. I pray that the management of my life does not have come to this but if it does, I am consoled that I will be in good hands.

Being single and staying alone, living in an apartment suits me just fine. The view is great. There is always a cool breeze blowing in. Everything is within easy reach. I do not need that much space. Those extra nooks and crannies in a bigger abode will merely gather dust anyway. However, one of the drawbacks in living in such confined space is that the kitchen is also close to every other part of the apartment. When something pungent is being cooked in the kitchen, the whole place reeks of it, which is what happened this morning.

Having gathered all the ingredients for the kiam hu kut kari over several days, and not feeling feverish anymore, I was resolute that today would be the day to treat myself to this delicious fare. Cooking this curry consisted of frying the salted fish bones which let off a pong that was overpowering initially. Fortunately, the breeze blew away much of the odour. The curry tasted nice but not as I remembered. Mum�s was nicer. I allowed myself only two pieces of salted fish bones. Preserved food is something I should keep away from as much as possible. I will cook this again when Wuan is here with a slightly modified recipe and see if it tastes like how Mum had cooked it, and stink the apartment all over again. Hopefully, that will be another breezy day.

The clock showed nine. I knew that it was another morning that I had to drag myself out of bed. I just lay there, hoping the lethargy would go away. Every part of my body ached. It was as if I had been run over by a steamroller. Should I or should I not finish off the last two Panadols? I had taken two the night before when I felt feverish. Earlier in the morning just before I woke up, I was running a fever again and shivering. I decided not to take them unless the fever returned.

The ringing of the phone brought me into full consciousness. After answering it, I thought I might as well get out of bed and get some things done instead of brooding. This fever had been a long time coming. I have been too liberal with my diet lately. For the past few weeks, I have been craving for deep fried food. There was the fried popiah that I made enough for lunch and dinner. Then there was fried meatballs with fried potatoes which was exceptionally nice. I usually get the maid to cook enough for both meals. It is more convenient that way.

The menu for today was supposed to be salted fish bone curry called kiam hoo kut kari in Hokkien. This is one dish I have not had for a long time. Every once in a while, when Mum found some nice salted fish bones in the market, she would cook. It has been that long. Looks like I hate to wait a while longer before I can taste it again. In place of that curry that I had been hankering for, I had plain white porridge with fermented bean curd and pickled turnip.

Wendy and Cynthia together with her two kids, Eugene and Evelyn, dropped in and brought fruits and a box of four moon cakes with various fillings. That was truly a pleasant surprise. Although I am not a big in eating moon cakes, the Foh San moon cakes have just the right degree of sweetness that my taste buds agree with. These cakes can taste heavenly at the first bite when accompanied with a cup of nicely brewed Oolong tea while appreciating a moon that is full and bright on the eighth month. Thank you, you two, for having me in your thoughts on this festive season. Now you better come and help me finish those cakes. You know I cannot possibly eat them all by myself.