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Archive for March, 2005


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Starving Terri

Thursday, March 24th, 2005

Imagine not drinking and eating for twenty four hours. Which would get you first - hunger or thirst? After Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube was removed last Friday, she has neither been given nutrition nor water for the past six days. Imagine not drinking and eating for six days. Imagine seeing your loved one in this condition slowly withering away. All you can do is watch and wait. Is that mercy or cruelty?

Read all about the fight to save Terri at the Terri Schindler-Schiavo Foundation.

Related entries:
A Mother’s Plea
Life And Death: Who Can Decide?

A Mother’s Plea

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005

“For the love of God, I am begging you please, don’t let my daughter die of thirst,” she said.

Terri Schiavo Fading Quickly

Please pray for Terri and her family.

Life And Death: Who Can Decide?

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005

Terri Schiavo suffered a cardiac arrest in 1990. Her brain was deprived of oxygen and she lapsed into a “persistent vegetative state.” That was fourteen years ago. Let her live or let her die? Who has the right to decide on Terri Schiavo’s fate? While this is being debated, Terri’s life hangs on the line. The tube that had allowed her to be fed was removed last Friday. She is not allowed to be nourished or hydrated. Dying by starvation and dehydration is a painfully slow process. It will take anything from two to four weeks for Terri to die.

One can only speculate why, after being awarded more than US$1 million in a malpractice suit that provided for Terri’s lifetime care, her husband, Michael Schiavo, is unrelenting in his pursuit to end her life. According to Michael, on several occasions before her cardiac arrest, Terri had indicated to him that she would not want to continue living should she be in a condition she currently is in. It was exposed that this was not revealed by Michael during the malpractice proceedings.

Terri’s case brought memories of another painful episode of Mum’s last few days to the fore. When she lapsed into a coma and could not be fed or take her medicine orally, I decided not to send her back to the hospital. I believe that was her wish and I was determined to fulfil it.

“If I die, I want to die at home,” she had pleaded to me at the hospital. “Please take me home.”

My decision was based on those words. To take her back to the hospital and get a feeding tube or an intravenous drip inserted would have prolonged her life, for how long I do not know. But that was not what she had wanted. I stopped feeding her and stopped her medication. What was I supposed to do when she was no longer responsive to all stimuli short of sending her back to the hospital?

Friends that I consulted had their reservations regarding my decision. I could sense from the hesitation in their voice. However, they advised me to hydrate Mum, or at the very least keep her lips wet. Following their advice, Mum’s lips were kept moist with a cotton ball every half hour.

When Peter came, he insisted that I feed Mum. He could not bear the thought of Mum going hungry. He crushed the tablets and mixed it with honey and fed Mum, bit by bit. She had problems swallowing. It was also a slow process because the medicine tasted awful even with the honey.

In a way, I am glad that Peter was adamant that Mum be fed. It was my mistake in not persisting to feed her. I made the decision to stop because the milk that was fed to her all dribbled out from the corner of her mouth. Eventually Mum learned to swallow. However, all oral medication was discontinued. The only medicine administered was rectal suppositories for her persistent fever.

That all happened within a frame of two days. I have no guilt in not sending Mum back to the hospital. I truly believe that was what she had wanted. As her only son, it was my duty to comply with her last request. She wanted the dignity to die at home. She died at home, surrounded by loved ones. I truly believe that was what she had wanted.

Decisions like these can be very painful and difficult to make. On one hand, we cannot bear to see our loved one’s suffering prolonged but on the other to let them go is one thing that we are dreadfully reluctant to do. Ultimately, it all depends on what one’s spiritual beliefs are. Do we subscribe to a religion that disallows euthanasia? Do we believe that we are at liberty to decide on our own fate and that of other’s?

Terri is a Roman Catholic. So are her parents. The Roman Catholic Church is totally against any from of euthanasia. This should have been taken into account when the judge gave the order to remove the feeding tube. The other question is whether Michael Schiavo or Bob and Mary Schindler, Terri’s parents, are in a better position to decide for Terri; and now whether the courts or the politicians can decide on that too. What has the worth of her life become when it can be decided by another human?

Last night, while we were talking about Terri’s plight, I asked Wuan, “What will you do if I am in a similar situation?”

“I don’t know,” was her terse reply. “What do you want?”

“My faith disallows euthanasia,” I continued, although I was acutely aware that she was getting uneasy.

“That is what we have to abide by then.”

I left it at that. She understood what should be done. My stand was clear. I did not want to pursue that issue with her any further.

Related entries:
Coming Home
The Right To Die?
A Caring Society Reacts
Managing Me

Smiling Flower

Saturday, March 19th, 2005

She was not the first but she left a very lasting impression on me. I have never forgotten her. Through the years, I have often yearned for her, yearned for her fragrance, yearned for a touch of her silky smoothness. She had always been on my mind. There were others but none could enthral me like she did.

I have often talked about her to Wuan – of how I missed her, of how I would like to see her again, of how I would like to bathe in her heady scent. Wuan understood. She looked and she searched. Her efforts were not in vain.

“I found her,” Wuan coolly told me one morning after coming back from the market. Still, there were tinges of excitement in her voice and I could sense that she shared the thrill I felt.

All my life, I only knew her as Ham Siu Fa, Cantonese for smiling flower. It was an odd name because there never was a hint of a smile on her although she never failed to leave a smile on my face during our encounters. I was glad the search had finally ended.

Ham siu fa, her scientific name Michelia Figo, is of the Magnolia family. Among others, the fragrant yellow cempaka and white cempaka are also of the Magnolia genus. The michelia figo is also known as the banana shrub for its sweet fragrance like that of a banana.

Now, there is one ham siu fa tree that stands prominent in Wuan’s garden. She found her all right. And this little tree is blooming. I could almost smell its sweet bouquet when I went through the images that Wuan captured and sent to me.

The poem Magnolia Dreams was written in 2003. It is dedicated to the two most wonderful women in my life – Mum and Wuan. They had gladly indulged my request to cultivate the michelia figo simply because I loved the sight and smell of this tree. Every time thoughts of this flower crossed my mind, I would think of these two women who had brought so much joy into my life and I would invariably smile. Smiling flower - a truly befitting name.


Photo by Wuan.

MAGNOLIA DREAMS

The mere thought of you
Stirs a thousand passions
Beads of fresh morning dew
Garlands you in fashion

Youthful is your foliage
Enfolding weathered bark
Exuberance belying your age
Your enduring wisdom we hark

Your gentle demeanour
Soothes a troubled heart
Cutting a figure of splendour
You are nature’s work of art


Photo by Wuan.

Timeless is your beauty
Captured in every bloom
You have known eternity
Yet you never knew gloom

Petals of soft creamy pearl
Gently clasping your modesty
As you blossom and unfurl
You reveal a vision of beauty

Wisps of your fragrance
Infuses all in your path
Delicate sweetness of elegance
Basking them in heavenly bath


Photo by Wuan.

Angels descend from high above
Your ambrosia to taste and nurture
As cupid’s arrows epitomise true love
So you embody the essence of nature

Against the elements you persevere
Unwavering in the midst of adversity
Your fortitude a virtue to revere
You are a vision of hope and nobility

Radiating an aura of perfect bliss
You tranquillise like gurgling mountain streams
Inspiring calm and consummate peace
The wonders of dreaming magnolia dreams.

26 January, 2003.

The Beautiful Things About Friendship

Friday, March 18th, 2005


Photo by Wuan.

When you have a friend who after listening to your rants about your own impending mortality, dedicated a photo and a song in her blog to you so you would not feel gloomy and even willing to do a one hour monologue trying to cheer you up, you know you have a friend you can rely on. The beautiful thing about this is that we have met only once.

When you have a friend who after attending a concert in Singapore and heard a song that reminded her of you and your mother, blogged about it, shared the lyrics and song, and brought tears to your eyes, you know you have a friend who has you in her mind often. The beautiful thing about this is that we have met only once also.

When you have a friend who after listening to you talk about your life’s struggles, cleverly crafted a poem impromptu, posted it in her blog and thanked you for inspiring her and taught her not to take what she has for granted but be grateful for all the blessings that have been showered on her, you know you have a friend who appreciates you. The beautiful thing about this is that we have not even met in real life.



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