Life’s Little Mercies

Photo by Wuan.

My mind has been muddled of late. Too many things have been happening at the same time. All needed immediate attention. Solving each needed more than all the effort I could muster. It is good that Wuan is here. Although there was little she could do to help me disentangle those issues, her presence is comforting. She had specifically scheduled her leave, travelled all the way from Kuala Lumpur, to accompany me to the hospital.

I have more or less adhered to the prescribed diet. Meat has become a luxury. I have never eaten as much vegetables and fruits and tasteless food in my life. Still, there was an unshakeable anxiety. Figures – it was all about figures. The three specific digits contained within my blood that would reveal if the effort of the past three months was successful. I have been waiting for this day. It has been the longest ninety days of my life.

249 were not exactly the numbers I had expected. All the same, that was less than the previous creatinine level of 262 umol/l. The past three months were not in vain. The uric acid had gone down to 393 umol/l from 433 umol/l which is below the reference range of 420 umol/l. It was a small victory no doubt. My diet is working. Dr. Liong was still not happy with that. He warned me about the problems I will be facing if I do not look after my kidneys. He painted such a grim picture of renal dialysis that he did not need to do much more to convince me to stick to my current medication, diet and intermittent catheterisation routine religiously.

That is one hitch straightened out for the moment. The rest I am leaving for another day. I am certain that in time, I will be able to find a way out for each of them. If I cannot, God will no doubt make sure that I do. For now, I am going to sit back and reflect on the goodness that I have been blessed with. I am still alive. That is what matters most. At the same time, I am going to enjoy Wuan’s company. Thank God for the little mercies that has made life beautiful despite the circumstances.

Author: Peter Tan

Peter Gabriel Tan. Penangite residing in the Klang Valley. Blissfully married to Wuan. A LaSallian through and through. Slave to three cats. Wheelchair user since 1984. End-stage renal disease since 2017. Principal Facilitator at Peter Tan Training specialising in Disability Equality Training. Former columnist of Breaking Barriers with The Borneo Post. This blog chronicles my life, thoughts and opinions. Connect with me on Twitter and Facebook.

8 thoughts on “Life’s Little Mercies”

  1. Here’s a soul booster to share:

    “I like food that is flavorful. Simmering food slowly, for a long time, helps the juices penetrate the whole. Hardly anyone simmers anything anymore. Everything is zapped in the microwave or cooked as quickly as possible. I think this reflects our spiritual life as well. Wisdom and wholeness deepen in us when we reflectively allow ideas and feelings to sit inside us for awhile.”
    ? Joyce Rupp in “Dear Heart, Come Home”

    To Practice This Thought: Instead of responding immediately to a film, an art exhibit, a date, or an event, sit with the experience for a while before you process it.

  2. Keen,

    Thank you for sharing.


    I will. God makes sure of that.

    I hope it will be even better on my next visit.

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