Laying Low

Photo taken on July 10, 2005.

The haze has lifted somewhat in Penang. Visibility is 5km or more. The sooty stench that had been hanging in the air has subsided. Penangites can breathe a restrained sigh of relief for the moment. This is a welcome change, albeit temporary. Those few days that the island and much of the mainland was enveloped in a veil of blurriness was beginning to affect my respiratory system.

On the other hand, my mind has been smoggy of late. I have been engulfed in a series of yet unresolved issues. Perhaps I have been impatient. I could have been running ahead of each and every of them, with the misguided belief that I could get them sorted out speedily. It has not been so. Moreover, I am alarmed to see that, somehow, my funds have been draining out faster than they are being replenished. For the life of me, I could not figure out what and where they have been channelled to.

To top it all off, I am approaching another crossroad in life. From Saturday onwards, I will be living without the assistance of a domestic maid. It is not the fear of living alone that worries me. Rather, it is the unknown that bothers me. I have been psyching myself up for the past one month. I am prepared for it. I am confident that I can manage. Still?

When I sat back and did a mental assessment of my emotions for past week, I could see that those issues were actually blown out of proportion. I attribute that to sleep deprivation. That not only made me sluggish during the day, it was a major contributing factor to the depression I have been experiencing.

Sleep – that is what I need more of. Hopefully when I have fully replaced those lost hours, this depression, which is consuming all my physical and mental vigour, will fade away. In the mean time, the only thing I can do is to live up to my blog tagline – Living one day at a time. That is the only sensible thing to do.

Author: Peter Tan

Peter Gabriel Tan. Penangite residing in the Klang Valley. Blissfully married to Wuan. A LaSallian through and through. Slave to three cats. Wheelchair user since 1984. End-stage renal disease since 2017. Principal Facilitator at Peter Tan Training specialising in Disability Equality Training. Former columnist of Breaking Barriers with The Borneo Post. This blog chronicles my life, thoughts and opinions. Connect with me on Twitter and Facebook.

7 thoughts on “Laying Low”

  1. And mine is ‘Take it one step at a time’.

    Perhaps you can employ a part-time helper? Things are often not as complicated as it seems. Don’t worry for worry will not solve any problems. Remember, there are only solutions.

  2. May God grant you all the strength you need to make it through every single day. Take care, and get enough rest. Hopefully everything will work out alright for you.

  3. Glad to hear that you are alright, albeit a little depressed. If you have not read “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann and “If” by Rudyard Kipling, you can read them in my blog archived in July 2005. They should be effective in lifting up your spirit when you feel down. They are non-religious writings. Good luck and may the stars, the moon and the sun bless you.

  4. Kuzco,
    Was laying low to recollect my thoughts. Thanks.

    I am considering a pert-time helper too. At the moment, I want to see how far I can go without one.

    Thank you. I am trying to get used to doing those chores. Looking good. 😀

    I like Kipling’s “If”. Very profound.

    Drama Queen,
    Thank you.

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