Searching For Hope In Troubled Times

December 16th, 2005 - Friday

Not all adverse events are bad. Some are blessings in disguise. Is this how I console myself? Perhaps. My renal failure has put some perspective into my life and the things that I want to achieve. Not a day passes without me thinking about my own mortality. Not a day passes without me thinking what I can do with the limited time that I have here.

Living with renal failure is kind of a good thing for me. There is now an urgency to make something out of my life. I believe there is a purpose why I had a spinal cord injury and now renal failure. The road ahead is already mapped. I have been shown the possibilities of how I can make things better, not only for myself, but for a whole community of my peers.

When I go meet my Maker, I want to be able to tell Him that I have made this world a better place. Is that not His purpose for each and every one of us for being here? No, I am not being morbid here. We have to go some day. I just want to be better prepared for it. Knowing that my time is limited is a boon in some ways. There is an urgency to make the best out of each day.

My creatinine and uric acid levels went up again, 241 umol/l and 416 umol/l respectively. Previous results were 222 umol/l and 405 umol/l. Dr. Liong was not too pleased with the figures and sent me back to Ms. Saw, the dietician, again. She worked out my current protein intake and fine tuned it to suit my condition. It is not much different except I need to reduce rice because that too contains some amount of protein and replace it with vegetables and fruits. That I can live with, too. I have to.

The increase in the creatinine count was expected as I had been eating hotel food for a large part of my stay in Kuala Lumpur recently, although I did adhere strictly to the protein portions allowed. Salt was a little difficult to avoid though but one particular restaurant was understanding enough to re-cook my order when the first two plates of fried rice had salt added. Amarin Heavenly Thai Restaurant at Mid Valley Megamall gets double thumbs up for that extra effort when Prof, Dr. Ramlah, Micheal and I dined there the day before the BAKTI-MIND Conference.

And then there are some things that I would rather not talk about now, some news about my renal health that got me more unsettled than before. This, although a related issue, was seen from a different perspective. It was not something new but to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth was enough to unnerve me. The facts are a little difficult to swallow for the moment. Still, I am hoping, praying, that something good will come out from all of this. It always does.

In spite of the gloom cicumstances, I am thankful to have been blessed with friends who support what I do. I have friends who are concerned with my well-being and friends whom I can count on when I need help. Most of all, I have Wuan. She is that unwavering force that persistently pushes me forward even when the conditions are not in my favour. I am truly thankful to have her by my side all these while.

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14 Responses to “Searching For Hope In Troubled Times”

  1. suanie says:

    you have me too! and wuan is mineee MINE MINE mineEEEeeeeeeee bwahhahaha

    don’t worry, I can always jump on your bed. You know, for good luck.

  2. Mama BoK says:

    Hey.. Peter,
    I’m thinking of you .. and praying for you .. :)

  3. Peter says:

    I would rather you sit on the sofa.

    Mama Bok,
    Thank you. God bless you too.

  4. Jeffrey says:

    I hope all is well. I am praying for you too. I am always thinking of you….and praying ….glad to have met u on the hill the other day during lunch time. My regards to you


  5. KLJS says:

    Peter, hope everything will turn out ok for you. You have my prayers that you will get better soon!

  6. virgorat says:

    I hope that your health will improve.

  7. SK says:


    You’ll get well soon.

  8. Lainie says:

    ah! ah! no! I want you to be okay!

  9. Silly Pat says:

    Will pray for you. Get well soon, Peter!

  10. erizabesu says:

    have faith, becoz i have faith in you :) *hugs*

  11. cilipadi says:

    Hi..Peter, still remember me, from belgium one leh.. hehehe. Well, i have faith in you, you will get well soon and move about. Hope to meet you in person one of this day. So at the mean time big big hugss from me and keep smiling.

  12. Andreas says:

    Peter, keep going. You can do it. You are strong, and there is so much in front of you. So many plans, and so much strength that you can give to others around you. Think through this year and what you have accomplished. Take your strength from there, and build it in your life next year, and the next and the next. You ARE a great guy!!!

  13. bikerwannabe says:

    Hey Peter, stay strong. 1Peter2:24 “…by His stripes you were healed”

  14. Poison says:

    Peter, my prayers go to you. May the Lord give you strength and don’t give up hope.