This spectacular sight was spread across the evening sky after Sunset Mass one weekend in August this year. The double rainbow arches amazed me. As I sat there watching the colours fade into the dusk sky, I felt like a small kid again, excited at this unusual vista. I wondered what lay waiting at the ends of the rainbows. What would I discover there? Hope? I had hoped. Hope is all I have now, too. When faith falters, hope is all I have. Or should it be the other way around?

I am going to miss Penang. I am going to miss Ee Yean and Bryan, the two buddies that I have been hanging out a lot with lately, either in real life or in MSN. Most of all, I am going to miss this place that Mum and I had called home for nearly half a decade. Leaving those memories behind is painful indeed. She may have been gone for more than two years but her presence here is simply overwhelming. Without a doubt, there are still many things that I am reluctant to leave behind but the journey has to continue. I have to move on in order not to be sucked back into the dark vacuum that I once lived in.

Congratulations to Datuk Dr. T. Devaraj for being listed in the World Medical Association’s 100 Caring Physicians of the World. He is the Chairman of the Penang Hospice Society and the Vice-Chairman of the National Cancer Society of Malaysia, Penang Branch. His work with cancer patients is truly selfless and commendable. This recognition is well-deserved. His contribution to both organisations and his compassion to those under his care is altruism at its highest level. In her last days, Mum had the privilege to be under his care. He was gentle, soft-spoken and reassuring. I am sure she was consoled by his kind words. I was. Well done Dr. Devaraj! God bless you.

The following is the article in today’s The Star:

Doctor does country proud Malaysian recognised as a caring physician

ALOR STAR: Datuk Dr T. P. Devaraj has done Malaysia proud. He is the first and only Malaysian to be listed in the World Medical Association’s 100 Caring Physicians of the World.

Although there is an allocation for 100 personalities, recognition was given to only 65 physicians from 55 countries.

A panel of judges selected physicians who have demonstrated humanity and the core values of medicine in performing their duties based on nominations submitted by national medical associations.

Penang Medical Association chairman Dr Goh Eng Leong said such recognition was a great honour to the medical fraternity here.

The Malaysian Medical Association recently held a ceremony at the Penang Club to celebrate Dr Devaraj’s achievement.

Dr Devaraj is known for his charitable work in aid of cancer patients.

He is the Penang Hospice chairman, and National Cancer Society of Malaysia branch vice-chairman.

World Medical Association (WMA) immediate past president Dr Yank Coble, who initiated the Caring Physician initiative, expressed hope that the physicians’ remarkable stories would help restore pride, passion, enthusiasm and optimism among the medical practitioners.

The book was launched in Santiago, Chile, on Oct 12 during the WMA annual assembly.

Physicians profiled in the book include Mamphela Ramphele of South Africa who was imprisoned for her anti-apartheid political activities, John Awoonor-Williams from Ghana for single-handedly serving a vast remote region and Valentin Pokrovsky for being the first in Russia to instil awareness on HIV infection and AIDS.

Also included in the book are Sister Lucia Yu from Korea who spent more than two decades in Kenya to attend to patients suffering from malaria and tuberculosis and Nanshan Zhong who played a vital role during the Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) outbreak in China in 2002.

The book was published with the support of the Pfizer Medical Humanities Initiative.

Related entry:
Malaysian Medical Resources - Caring Physicians of the World

Not all adverse events are bad. Some are blessings in disguise. Is this how I console myself? Perhaps. My renal failure has put some perspective into my life and the things that I want to achieve. Not a day passes without me thinking about my own mortality. Not a day passes without me thinking what I can do with the limited time that I have here.

Living with renal failure is kind of a good thing for me. There is now an urgency to make something out of my life. I believe there is a purpose why I had a spinal cord injury and now renal failure. The road ahead is already mapped. I have been shown the possibilities of how I can make things better, not only for myself, but for a whole community of my peers.

When I go meet my Maker, I want to be able to tell Him that I have made this world a better place. Is that not His purpose for each and every one of us for being here? No, I am not being morbid here. We have to go some day. I just want to be better prepared for it. Knowing that my time is limited is a boon in some ways. There is an urgency to make the best out of each day.

My creatinine and uric acid levels went up again, 241 umol/l and 416 umol/l respectively. Previous results were 222 umol/l and 405 umol/l. Dr. Liong was not too pleased with the figures and sent me back to Ms. Saw, the dietician, again. She worked out my current protein intake and fine tuned it to suit my condition. It is not much different except I need to reduce rice because that too contains some amount of protein and replace it with vegetables and fruits. That I can live with, too. I have to.

The increase in the creatinine count was expected as I had been eating hotel food for a large part of my stay in Kuala Lumpur recently, although I did adhere strictly to the protein portions allowed. Salt was a little difficult to avoid though but one particular restaurant was understanding enough to re-cook my order when the first two plates of fried rice had salt added. Amarin Heavenly Thai Restaurant at Mid Valley Megamall gets double thumbs up for that extra effort when Prof, Dr. Ramlah, Micheal and I dined there the day before the BAKTI-MIND Conference.

And then there are some things that I would rather not talk about now, some news about my renal health that got me more unsettled than before. This, although a related issue, was seen from a different perspective. It was not something new but to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth was enough to unnerve me. The facts are a little difficult to swallow for the moment. Still, I am hoping, praying, that something good will come out from all of this. It always does.

In spite of the gloom cicumstances, I am thankful to have been blessed with friends who support what I do. I have friends who are concerned with my well-being and friends whom I can count on when I need help. Most of all, I have Wuan. She is that unwavering force that persistently pushes me forward even when the conditions are not in my favour. I am truly thankful to have her by my side all these while.

Anxiety attacks when I need it least. I am fidgety, restless and unsettled. No matter how much I tell myself that I have been doing the right things the past few months this nagging feeling refuses to go away. It has latched on to me like a leech feasting on my jugular. The results this afternoon will determine how I subsist for the next few months. I am looking forward to it but at the same time not. This is really disconcerting.

Photo : The Penang Immigration Department at Beach Street.

The Jabatan Imigresen Malaysia has become very efficient as compared to the last time when I renewed my passport in 1995. I applied to renew that long expired passport yesterday and was told to go back today to collect the new one. The Jabatan Imigresen at Beach Street was a hive of activity on both days I was there. Although there were many people, application forms were processed quickly and waiting time was approximately 30 minutes. Perhaps that was due to the fact that there was a counter specially for people with disabilities, the elderly and children.

Photo : My passport.

The passport is for my two-week trip to Tokyo for training on Independent Living in January next year. This training is funded by Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) as a follow up to the Independent Living Workshop that I attended in September. Two others were selected along with me for this trip. Two Personal Assistants (PAs) will be accompanying us. Wuan was supposed to be my PA but she had to pull out because of work commitments.

To renew the passport, I had to pay RM1 for the form, fill it up, provide 2 copies of colour photographs, a photocopy of my identity card and the old passport. As a person with disability holding the Kad Kenal Diri Orang Kurang Upaya, I was exempted from paying the RM300 fee. I got a Welfare Officer from the Head Office of the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat Malaysia to provide me with a letter for good measure for the RM300 exemption when I attended the Disability Equality Training in Kuala Lumpur recently.

Photo : The back entrance with a ramp at the Penang Immigration Department at Beach Street.

While I was impressed by the efficiency of the Jabatan Imigresen, its accessibility for wheelchairs is sorely lacking. The front entrance was totally inaccessible. The ramp at the back was too steep and dangerous. Peter was supposed to work today but took leave to accompany me to collect the passport as he was worried that Elaine would not be able to push me up that ramp. Although the building is old, a little more effort in designing a proper ramp would have made a difference not only to people on wheelchairs but the elderly and people with mobility problems too.