Today has got to be one of the worst days of my life, ever. The moment I opened my eyes this morning, gloominess descended on me. It was as if it had been waiting all night to mercilessly pounce on me and devour me whole. Devour? Eat? That has become one word that I dread.

Lunch and dinner? What are those? I have not had a proper meal in days. I was too lazy to cook. When I did cook, it was always the same tasteless meals that left piles of dishes and cooking utensils to clean up afterwards. Eating outside food is convenient but those are the factors that will contribute to damaging my kidneys even more. My health is definitely suffering and on a downward spiral.

This is really a case of damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Add a failed bowel programme a while ago and the depression began to mount to such an extent that I feel I am hopelessly pinned in a continuous cycle of despair and desperation – desperation to shake it off but not knowing how.

Many times, I felt like screaming out those heartrending words Jesus cried out as he hung from the cross, “Eloi eloi, lama sabachthani?” Yet again and again, my conscience unsympathetically reminded me that it is I who had forsaken Him by allowing myself to sink into an abyss of debauchery and filth and refusing to pull myself out of it.

Indeed, today has got to be the worst day of my life. What will tomorrow bring? Dare I close my eyes and dream it all away? If only that is possible. Today had been the lowest of the lows. I shudder to think what awaits me as I open my eyes next.

This is in support of Jeff Ooi’s call to Screenshots readers to sign the online petition to ask China to release Hao Wu, a documentary filmmaker and blogger, who is currently being detained by the Chinese government.

Hao Wu ( 吴皓 ) is my colleague, the China Editor, at Global Voices Online, a community for international bloggers affiliated to Berkman Centre for Internet & Society, Harvard Law School.

He has been detained in China since February 22, 2006. WITHOUT A REASON. WITHOUT TRIAL.

We are running a global petition to ask China for his immediate release. I am making an appeal to Screenshots readers to give us the support from Malaysia.

Jeff Ooi

More details and the link to the petition can be found in Jeff’s entry titled Free Hao Wu.

Stations Of The Cross: Twelveth Station - Jesus Dies On The Cross

The death of Jesus
After this, Jesus knew that everything had now been completed and, so that the scripture should be completely fulfilled, he said:

I am thirsty.

A jar of sour wine stood there; so, putting a sponge soaked in wine on a hyssop stick, they held it up to his mouth. After Jesus had taken the wine he said,”It is fulfilled”; and bowing his head he gave up his spirit.

(Jn 19:28-30, NJB)

Father Francis Anthony and me.

Father Francis Anthony, Parish Priest of the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit, visited today to allow me to fulfill the Sacrament of Penance and Sacrament of the Eucharist preceding Easter. He has been going around the homes of the who are unable to go to church for the past weeks for this purpose.

The Catholic Sacrament of Reconciliation (also known as the Sacrament of Penance, or Penance and Reconciliation) has three elements: conversion, confession and celebration. In it we find God’s unconditional forgiveness, and as a result we are called to forgive others.

Source: AmericanCatholic.org - Sacrament of Reconcialiation

Catholics believe the Eucharist, or Communion, is both a sacrifice and a meal. We believe in the real presence of Jesus, who died for our sins. As we receive Christ’s Body and Blood, we also are nourished spiritually and brought closer to God.

Source: AmericanCatholic.org - Sacrament of the Eucharist