Christopher Reeve, the symbol of spinal cord injury research activism, has died at age 52. News report has it that he went into a coma after a cardiac arrest on Saturday and died on Sunday. It was also stated that he was being treated for a pressure sore, a common complication for those living with paralysis. Pressure sores develop when the skin and tissues surrounding bony protuberances in the body dies after the blood supply to the skin is cut off due to an extended period of inactivity such as sitting or lying down for too long in the same position.

The actor, famous for his role in four Superman movies, broke his neck when he was thrown from his horse on May 27, 1995. The fall crushed his first and second cervical vertebras and severely damaged his spinal cord. With damage this high on the spinal cord, Reeve lost the ability to breathe and also lost sensory and motor functions below the level of injury. In short, he was totally paralysed and would die without the aid of a ventilator to help him breathe.

Reeve had been vocal in his push for stem cell research, considered a critical component in the cure for spinal cord injury. President Bush had opposed stem cell research and funding for such studies have been severely cut by the US government. The research involves stem cells derived from human embryos and is opposed by many because of its ethical, moral, legal and religious ramifications. Despite this setback, Christopher Reeve had been the flag bearer of hope for those afflicted with spinal cord injury.

May his soul rest in peace.

In the hubbub of everyday living, I tend to forget who I am. There are bills to pay, things to get done, meals to cook, groceries to buy and a thousand other things that run through my mind from the moment I awake in the morning until the second I fall asleep at night. Caught in this mad rush to go through each day, I also lost sight of who I want to be. A mechanical being is what I have become, doing things in set ways day in day out every day of the week. The humanness in me was slowly being chipped away by these daily drudgeries.

There were also times when I got arrogant. I wittingly let little accomplishments get to my head believing that I alone can achieve those feats without needing help. I allowed myself to grow into a self-centred and vain person. Those are not good traits that I want to possess. The times that I realised my follies, I felt ashamed of it but they were soon forgotten and repeated. Old habits die hard.

My ego needed to be pricked constantly to bring me back down to earth. The innocence that I used to possess had to be rejuvenated and the perfunctory temporarily discarded. These I must do to bring the simplicity back into my life again. I discovered no better way than following one simple rule of abstinence. I have been observing Meatless Fridays for the past three weeks. Meatless Friday is an age-old Roman Catholic tradition that is not strictly adhered to anymore now. For me, there is more to it than its religious significance.

It takes a conscious effort to become a vegetarian once a week. This deliberate self-denial brings realisation to the question mark of whom I am and who I want to be. As I tuck the vegetables into my mouth, I am reminded of the purpose I am eating this meal. I am constantly prompted to thank God for the little blessings that come my way every so often, to practice humility in my dealings with everyone and to recognise my limitations. Vegetarianism teaches me patience and self discipline, two virtues which I yearn for in myself.

Forgoing meat brings back the essence of humanness into my life. I am reminded that every life is sacred and should be treated with respect irrespective of species and whatever their purpose to us the Divine had intended. It is also an opportunity to give my body a rest from the other unhealthy meals that I have been having for the rest of the week. For a moment the chores that had been depressing my days to no end seemed to melt away. For one day in the week, I can feel alive again. Worries are furthest away from my mind. Life has become simple once more. If I can, I will be skipping like a little child come every Friday.

Sheila and LS

Peter is not working today. I got him to fetch me to town to get some things done right after an early lunch. It looked like it was going to rain but when we reached Little India, the sun was shinning brightly. After settling my affairs there, we went to meet LS at the City Bayview Hotel. LS, a Malaysian currently residing in England, is back here for a holiday. He has been a quadriplegic for twenty two years. Sheila, his caregiver for seventeen years now, accompanied him on his trip here.

We shared about our lives and our disabilities. LS was very vocal about the lack of basic facilities catering to the needs of the disabled community here. Transport, access and public awareness are foremost in his mind. It was an eye opener talking to him and Sheila especially when they talked about the rights accorded to the disabled in the United Kingdom be it from the government or the NGOs.

Forward - Published by the Spinal Injuries Association

LS had problems moving around here as there is no specially adapted van with lifts that can accommodate him in his wheelchair. Pavements were without ramps and were not built to give access to wheelchairs. Those that had oftentimes were obstructed by haphazardly parked motorcycles, carts, lampposts and fire hydrants. Sheila had to push him on the road most of the times. Wuan and I have experienced that when we went exploring the Inner City a few months back. It was a harrowing experience with traffic speeding by just a couple of inches from us.

We agreed that a lot can be done to improve the plight of the disabled here. I have seen the gradual improvement in the basic amenities for the disabled in public areas and buildings. However, the provision of such facilities is not at par with the speed of our nation’s progress. No wonder most of the disabled are left behind in our race to be a first world country by the year 2020. Apart from having limited job opportunities, we have problems with infrastructures that were built without giving much consideration to the needs of the disabled.

Before parting, LS presented me with the June edition of a magazine called Forward and a CDROM titled Moving Forward 3: A Guide to Living with Spinal Cord Injury that were both published by the Spinal Injuries Association. I left the meeting inspired by his doggedness in promoting the rights of the disabled in the United Kingdom and his determination in providing the impetus for the disabled community here to recognise our rights and to press the case with the powers that be. He may be less physically-able than me but he certainly made that up with his tenacity and fortitude in advocating for the rights of his peers which in all honesty put me to shame.

Sinfully yours - Chee Cheong Fun

On our way back, hunger pangs struck since I had an early lunch. Peter and I stopped at Genting Coffee Shop in Island Glades to get something to eat. We both had wanton noodles which was unexceptional. He then ordered popiah which was even more insipid. In a moment of rashness, I ordered a plate of chee cheong fun. This is one dish I had tried to avoid because of the copious amount of shrimp paste and fried chilly paste. The stream of people ordering it was enough to make me throw caution to the wind. This is one of the better tasting chee cheong fun although I have eaten much better ones. Wuan is going to nag me for this. I am sure of it. Ah well, the price to pay for my indulgence.

Tau Eu Bak - Braised Pork with Hardboiled Eggs

A healthy appetite is a good thing for me. What is not good is that the healthy appetite is being fuelled by an unhealthy diet. Meat, namely pork, has been the main feature in my meals lately. I do not usually fancy pork. This sudden craving for meat is surprising. Yesterday was wantan with choy sum soup. The wantans tasted better than they looked. I am not resisting it much because this is no doubt a change from the usual bland tasting meals I have been eating.

Huangshan Mao Feng Green Tea

Today’s lunch was braised pork with hardboiled egg (tau eu bak) and stir-fried kangkung. There are several versions of the tau eu bak. I settled on this recipe by Amy Beh archived at The Star Online � Kuali. It was tasty and one of the better tasting tau eu baks I have eaten in a long time. The belly pork was rather fat and made the gravy greasy. I drank some green tea afterwards with the hope of washing away some of those artery-clogging lard. Whether that works or not, my next blood test will tell. I really must cut down on red meat.

Dad is gone. Mum is gone. I sit here realising that I am the only one left. This is one day I had never envisioned. I had always thought that my parents would live forever. I had expected them to be there when I get married, when I have children and when my children have children. I had expected to grow old with them. I was young then. I had dreams. I had fears too. Living without one or both parents was out of the question. Who would I turn to should I encounter problems? Parents are supposed to do all those and more.

When I broke my neck, my parents made the all decisions on my behalf. I was in no position then to select the options for my treatment. They also took care of all the nitty-gritty pertinent to my recovery and thereafter. All I needed to do was to concentrate on my rehabilitation. Life was nearly carefree. It was reassuring to know that there would always be someone there to pull me through rough patches. They had hauled me up me from many dark episodes at great expense to their own emotional well-being.

Now I am the only one left. Dad and Mum are no longer here. I am no longer young anymore. I have learnt to solve my own problems. Well, almost all of them. I wonder what will happen should I lose the faculty to make competent decisions for myself. I am getting on with age. I am not in the pink of health. Anything can befall on me. Neurological disorders and accidents, while not eagerly anticipated, can come stealthily and rob the mind of its senses when we least expect it. The possibilities are endless. Should that day come, I wish to have someone who knows what I want to administer to my affairs and make decisions for me as I would if I were lucid.

I know this is a heavy burden to place on someone’s shoulder. Life and death situations are never easy to deal with, especially when it involves either someone we love or someone we are very close to. I have been there for Mum. I know how it is like. There is only one other person that I trust my life with now. Wuan will have to shoulder that responsibility for me. I know she is a reluctant participant in this not because she is unwilling. She is an optimist by nature. Asking her to frame her mind for the prospect of deciding on such depressing matters can be too much an obligation to ask of her. But she is all I have now and she knows my wishes exactly. I pray that the management of my life does not have come to this but if it does, I am consoled that I will be in good hands.