Wuan’s collection of Whitney Houston cassettes and CDs.
Photo taken with the Samsung Galaxy S II.

“No one can sing like her. No one has a voice like that.” That was how Wuan summed up Whitney Houston when she told me of the sad news this morning. Indeed, Whitney Houston had a voice that is nonpareil. Only Whitney Houston could have pulled off the hauntingly beautiful “I Will Always Love You” with such flair, with her incredible vocal range and breath.

She sang the stories of my life in those earlier years after the fateful diving accident. Her songs grieved along when I was heartbroken and celebrated the joys when I was in love. If ever there was a song that inspired me most, it must surely be “The Greatest Love Of All”. That song taught me I could achieve the greatest love of all by simply learning to love myself. That I did. It made the limitations that I was living with easier to bear.

Thank you, Whitney, for your uplifting songs at a time when I needed it most. I have never stopped loving myself since. You have changed my life for the better. Thank you.

May you rest in peace.

Braised pig trotter with fatt choy, New She Lai Ton Restaurant, Ipoh.
Photo taken with the Samsung Galaxy S II.

With the festive celebrations over and done with, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. It has been an especially difficult time for me. I had a hard time resisting all the good food that came with the ocassion. In fact, I worry that I may have over-indulged.

I need to seriously go back to the basics of my dietary requirements of low-everything; low-protein, low-sodium, low-purine, low-phosphorous, and now, low-cholesterol. Anything to preserve whatever renal function left in my kidneys.

Another blood test is due in two weeks. The doctors ordered it to check if Lipitor has any adverse effect on my liver and especially my kidneys. The most serious being rhabdomyolysis. This is the breakdown of muscle tissues that leads to the release of a huge amount of myoglobin into the blood stream and causes kidney failure.

The only side effect that I experienced so far was the first few days after I began taking the medicine. My philtrum and upper lips twitched incessantly. The twitchings stopped a week or so later. The blood tests shall reveal whether I suffered other subclinical effects.

I was in bed, half awake. My eyes were shut. I was acutely aware of the surroundings. The bed was next to a wall with a window. The door, painted in green, was to my right. Sounds from the piano resonated down the hallway from the living room.

My mother was outside somewhere, either occupying herself with housework or in the garden, I was not sure which. The coolness of the morning filled me with a sense of contentment. In the comfort of my pillows and ruffled blanket, I was reluctant to get up.

Reality seeped in as realisation slowly stirred me from the slumber. Indeed, there was a window on my left but the door to my right was grey and next to it was another door in the same colour. Sounds from the piano came from the neighbouring house and not from the living room.

My Twitter update a while later reflected my feelings when I became fully cognizant of where I really was.

Thought I was in my childhood home with mother pottering outside. Woke up to discover I’m far away, all grown up and mother long gone.

For the past week or so, I have woken up remembering dreams like this. They are usually bits and pieces of familiar scenes; from my childhood, from my teenage years, from my past. The most vivid was also this, recurring every now and then, of the one place I felt most secure and comfortable in, my bedroom in the Jalan Terengganu house in Penang.

I guess, deep inside, one part of me wished I was still that seventeen year old kid, bumming around without a care in the world. Life was good back then. How was I to foresee my life would turn out the way it is now. Ignorance is bliss, they say. I cannot agree more, not that I have any complaint about my life now, on a personal level. Life is still good but dreams like that give me a sense of joy knowing that I have experienced such bliss before.