Here I am, all confused and fidgety. A load of disjointed thoughts are swirling in my mind right now. Trying to unravel them is too colossal a task at this instance. The year is coming to an end soon. As I look back, a sense of loss hangs over me. The defining moment for this year was my baptism, perhaps the most significant point in my life too. On the other hand, I am disappointed that I have achieved little with my own hands. My heart cries out for an accomplishment that I can be proud of. There is none.

When I moved here, I had to discard a lot of keepsakes. There is only so much an apartment can accommodate. Those bit and pieces of my childhood memories went out with the trash. The little that I could afford to take with me are the most precious. Among them is a clear folder that held all my certificates. There are the SRP and SPM results, many from my Scouting days and a few music examination certificates.

One of those stood out prominently from the rest. It is the Grade 3 ABRSM Pianoforte Examination Certificate where I passed with a distinction. I never really liked playing the piano then. I was compelled to take lessons by my parents. But I worked really hard that particular year. Miss Lee, my former piano tutor, made certain her students were thoroughly prepped prior to each exam. I was the lazy one and got ticked off many times for playing the exam pieces badly. I am glad she did what she did. At the very least I have something that I can be proud of, something to pull me through days like today. Gosh, I miss playing the piano.

Author: Peter Tan

Peter Gabriel Tan. Penangite residing in the Klang Valley. Blissfully married to Wuan. A LaSallian through and through. Slave to three cats. Wheelchair user since 1984. End-stage renal disease since 2017. Principal Facilitator at Peter Tan Training specialising in Disability Equality Training. Former columnist of Breaking Barriers with The Borneo Post. This blog chronicles my life, thoughts and opinions. Connect with me on Twitter and Facebook.

9 thoughts on “Pianoman”

  1. Hi Peter
    The closing of another year does this to us.

    Hey, why don’t you play the piano again? If you put your heart to it, I am sure something will come your way.

  2. Lilian,
    Playing with four fingers will not be that much fun. That was why the piano was sold off.

  3. For all that you think you didn’t, I am pretty sure you did achieve something with your own hands. Look at all that work you put into writing and your site. It might seem like a small thing to you, but it has touched many.

    And I agree with Lilian, why not try playing again? Give it a funky Peter style. It’s not the same as before, but I’m not sure that it’s not fun at all. Anyway, happy holidays.

  4. Marita,
    I have tried and it was no fun playing. It was more like hard labour. I always try to avoid anything that needs hard work. :o)

    Practice makes perfect. I can still remember the tune now. You can imagine how many times I have played the song for it to be so embedded in my mind. When you said “C’mon… play again!” I feel like I am Sam in Casablanca.

    I wish it is like that too. I have evolved into a creature without opposable thumbs that function. Without that, I cannot make much music with the piano. So I will just have to watch the maestros play and reminisce about a time when I could barely do what they are doing.

  5. Errrrrm,

    Im not realy shure what all this is about.
    And i don’t know how i ended up here as well, but… if ya miss some thing you can try letting other people do it for ya.
    Maybe it helps hearing other people play.
    (And maybe i shuld just shut it becose i don’t know anything about this :s )
    Anyway, i wish u the best!

    Greeeetz, Tha?s from Belgium

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