Sorrows Of A New Spring

Life is full of unexpected twists. Three years ago, I began this blog. One of the first few entries was on Chinese New Year. While the excitement of the new Spring slowly seeped away as I grew up, I have never anticipated it would turn out this way. Three years ago, Mum was there to celebrate the advent of the new season with me. The modest meal we had during that occasion was one day I looked forward to although it was a far cry from those that we had when Dad was around.

The first Chinese New Year after Mum passed away, I tried to recapture the mood by cooking some of my favourite dishes that Mum used to cook. That feeling, although fleeting, was sufficient to console my grieving heart for a few moments . The following year, those delicious dishes have become taboo food due to my failing kidneys. In spite of that, I was determined to savour it for one last time. Savour it I did but those tastes have now become a distant memory. Chinese New Years will never be the same again. It has become one festive season that I wished would never arrive.

Wishes do come true. My reluctance to avoid this day was answered with my being selected for training in Tokyo during this period. The Japanese do not celebrate this festival in a big way. This is absolutely fine with me. Nonetheless, I still miss the early mornings of the first day of Spring, when I was all dressed up and waiting to greet Dad and Mum with auspicious wishes, and being given red packets. That had me thinking what a carefree life I had as a child and how I now have to carry the sorrows of lost childhood, the pains of losing one parent after another and the loneliness of being their only child. Admittedly, some parts of me wish I were still a child leading those untroubled innocent life of years gone by.

Blogged at CIL Hino Experience Room, Hino, Tokyo.

Author: Peter Tan

Peter Gabriel Tan. Penangite residing in the Klang Valley. Blissfully married to Wuan. A LaSallian through and through. Slave to three cats. Wheelchair user since 1984. End-stage renal disease since 2017. Principal Facilitator at Peter Tan Training specialising in Disability Equality Training. Former columnist of Breaking Barriers with The Borneo Post. This blog chronicles my life, thoughts and opinions. Connect with me on Twitter and Facebook.

2 thoughts on “Sorrows Of A New Spring”

  1. Gong Xi Fa Cai, Peter! hope you’re enjoying your days in Tokyo. Look not what has gone in the past, but what we can do in the future. *hugs*

  2. Hey Peter! I recall how “lau juak” your home used to be during CNY. Life goes on, nothing is permanent in this world. Your friends and loved ones are getting more each day. Gong Xi Fa Cai!

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