MoNSTerBlog – July 14, 2006 : Journeys Of Self-Discovery

Journeys Of Self-Discovery

Peter Tan Life is a series of journeys. Some are long stretches of dreary paths that seemed to lead nowhere. Some are endless walks in the darkness that felt like alleys to Hades. Others are exciting passages that we wished we could embark on again and again. Nonetheless, each has a lesson to teach, unpleasant or otherwise. And we, as the sojourners, have to learn and make the best of it for each step we take builds up the whole that forms our character.

We choose how we want to live. For better or for worse, the future is in our hands. It is all about choices. When we have decided, we have to live with the consequences. Having made one a long time ago, I am living it everyday now. Friends have asked me if I ever regretted what I chose to do on that fateful day twenty two years ago. I dived into a swimming pool, broke my neck and became permanently paralysed from my chest down. Regret would not bring back what I have lost. I needed to move on anyhow or be left behind and become an inconsequential speck in the sea of humanity. Move on I did.

Admittedly, it is a struggle living with physical impairments. That is made worse by an environment that never takes the convenience of people like me into consideration. It has been a journey filled with frustrations and heartbreaks. There was no way to discharge those pent-up emotions. My mood often alternated between forced optimism and dark depression. Still, I grabbed on to anything and everything to keep afloat until I could find a way to liberate myself from the shackles of my disabilities.

That one release I eventually found was in blogging out my thoughts. It was here that I could express my innermost feelings without inhibitions. Whenever I grieved, or rejoiced, or loved, or celebrated, they were all noted down. The therapeutic effects were tremendous. The burdens of grief and frustrations were somehow lifted off me each time I poured them out into words. It was through this avenue that I discovered myself most. My life has never been the same since. I will continue to chronicle my journeys and hopefully, one day in the future, I may be able discover who I truly am.

Author: Peter Tan

Peter Gabriel Tan. Penangite residing in the Klang Valley. Blissfully married to Wuan. A LaSallian through and through. Slave to three cats. Wheelchair user since 1984. End-stage renal disease since 2017. Principal Facilitator at Peter Tan Training specialising in Disability Equality Training. Former columnist of Breaking Barriers with The Borneo Post. This blog chronicles my life, thoughts and opinions. Connect with me on Twitter and Facebook.