Managing Me

Dad is gone. Mum is gone. I sit here realising that I am the only one left. This is one day I had never envisioned. I had always thought that my parents would live forever. I had expected them to be there when I get married, when I have children and when my children have children. I had expected to grow old with them. I was young then. I had dreams. I had fears too. Living without one or both parents was out of the question. Who would I turn to should I encounter problems? Parents are supposed to do all those and more.

When I broke my neck, my parents made the all decisions on my behalf. I was in no position then to select the options for my treatment. They also took care of all the nitty-gritty pertinent to my recovery and thereafter. All I needed to do was to concentrate on my rehabilitation. Life was nearly carefree. It was reassuring to know that there would always be someone there to pull me through rough patches. They had hauled me up me from many dark episodes at great expense to their own emotional well-being.

Now I am the only one left. Dad and Mum are no longer here. I am no longer young anymore. I have learnt to solve my own problems. Well, almost all of them. I wonder what will happen should I lose the faculty to make competent decisions for myself. I am getting on with age. I am not in the pink of health. Anything can befall on me. Neurological disorders and accidents, while not eagerly anticipated, can come stealthily and rob the mind of its senses when we least expect it. The possibilities are endless. Should that day come, I wish to have someone who knows what I want to administer to my affairs and make decisions for me as I would if I were lucid.

I know this is a heavy burden to place on someone’s shoulder. Life and death situations are never easy to deal with, especially when it involves either someone we love or someone we are very close to. I have been there for Mum. I know how it is like. There is only one other person that I trust my life with now. Wuan will have to shoulder that responsibility for me. I know she is a reluctant participant in this not because she is unwilling. She is an optimist by nature. Asking her to frame her mind for the prospect of deciding on such depressing matters can be too much an obligation to ask of her. But she is all I have now and she knows my wishes exactly. I pray that the management of my life does not have come to this but if it does, I am consoled that I will be in good hands.


Look what Wuan got for me for Christmas – a monopod to go with my digicam! I do not have a pair of steady hands and have been grappling with camera shake which produced blurry photos, especially in low light. This monopod will not help me take better pictures, but it certainly will help reduce fuzziness in those night shots.

That was not all. Wuan also gave me an extra large box of Toffifee. This is one of the few chocolates that Wuan had initiated me into and one which I really love. I like nuts in my chocolates. Toffifee is the combination of “a crunchy hazelnut in caramel with nougat cream and a drop of dark chocolate on top.” I shall keep it to share with Wuan when she comes to Penang next. After all, good things are meant to be shared with the people we love.