Mr. Body Snatcher, Please Leave My Body Alone

The very thought of my cold and very dead body being snatched by overzealous people in the name of their religion and being buried under rites foreign to me is unnerving. Dead man tells no tales but should that ever happen to me, you can bet that I will turn over in my grave in protest.

Therefore to prevent my body from being confiscated by body snatchers in the name of their God and religion, I am stating the following for the benefit of my next-of-kin, the courts of law, the religious order of my chosen faith and anyone who may have an interest in the very dead body of mine and my estate.

If I were to suddenly die today, I would like to reiterate now that I have never renounced my current faith in Roman Catholicism. I have never converted to another religion, specifically Islam. I have never practiced what is required of good Muslim men. I will believe in Jesus Christ as my God and Saviour till my very last breath.

All my life, I have eaten pork and will continue to enjoy the one thousand and one ways it can be cooked. I have consumed liquor and would have continued to do so had it not been for my chronic kidney disease. Against the teachings of my chosen faith, I admit that I do gamble occasionally. I cannot help it. That is me practicing being Chinese to the very core.

So, please Mr. Body Snatcher, please leave my corpse alone. I am not of your faith, never will be. If you have records to prove it, I assure you that those are forgeries. Having my body does not guarantee that you have my soul. Let God and God alone be my judge and punish me for my sins. If I have to go to hell according to your beliefs, so be it. Whatever, it is , let my remains rest in peace. My final wish is to be sent off as a Roman Catholic. That is the least you can do for a man who can no longer speak for himself and stand up for his rights. That is called respecting the dead. Faham?