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Remembering Mum – Sixth Month

January 11th, 2004 - Sunday


Time flies. Six months have gone by since Mum?s passing away. Early today, Peter (my cousin) and I, together with Yanti (our maid) went to the Mount Erskine Columbarium to light candles and say prayers for Mum at her niche. It was a simple affair in remembrance of Mum. At the same time, it was an emotional one for me. It was difficult indeed not to feel sad in the presence of Mum?s remains.

No matter how well we are prepared to face the death of a loved one, no matter how many deaths of loved ones we had faced before, the actual death itself is one that is most difficult to bear. I thought I could eventually cope with the grief of losing Mum as time passes, but after six months, I still feel a deep sense of loss that is just so difficult to shake off. Mum is too deeply ingrained in me, and rightly so. I am her progeny.


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7 Responses to “Remembering Mum – Sixth Month”

  1. spit says:

    I can understand your relationship with your mom. I share a similar bond with mine. I shudder at the thought that she would someday go away. But such is life. I am comforted by the fact that there’s still time for me to make her life as close to being good as I possibly can. From your blogs, I take it that you had a great relationship with your mom. In this day and age, I think this is more than any mother can ever dream of.

    Be comforted that she had you. And be comforted also that she is in a better place now.

  2. Natasha says:

    i have to add something to spit’s comment..

    be comforted that you do not have any regrets about her when she was alive. you gave her your all.

    you know when you have given your all when you have that deep sense of loss. how much she has affected you.. it shows how deep your relationship with her is and what you would do for her :)

  3. Terry says:

    mind if i ask where was this picture taken? is it you and your mom?

  4. petertan says:

    Thank you, you two, Spit and Natasha, for always being supportive with your comforting comments whenever I blog about something as melancholic as this.

    My regret is I could not do enough for Mum because of my condition. Even if I could, Mum would never have allowed me, for she was a very independent woman.

    In my heart, I know I did all that I possibly could, but that was just not good enough. Perhaps, this guilt is one of those phases that one has to go through after the loss of a very dearly beloved one.

    Thank you people, for lending an ear, and leaving words of solace to lift up my spirits. This means a lot to me.

  5. petertan says:

    Terry,
    I believe that photo was taken at the Kek Lok Si Temple in the late sixties. I used to live somewhere near there. Yes, that is Mum carrying me. I must have been around two or three years old.

  6. Terry says:

    i feel nice when i look back at old photos of loved ones, especially those who are not around anymore. but i wish i had a video camera with me before my dad passed away. motions and sound does feel better than stills. but for now, i’ll make the best of what i have.

    *does your nikon coolpix 3100 has sound recording?

  7. petertan says:

    Photos are links to our past. It is a record of those treasured moments, captured and freezed for posterity. Videos would have been better but in whatever form, I will still cherish it.

    The CP3100 does not record sound. And the battery life leaves much to be desired although the images are very good.